The Beautiful Paradox
Sea Otter came and went all too quickly - as do most highly anticipated events. It was a jam-packed week of riding, prepping for the Fuego XC 80k race, hanging with old friends and making new ones, and just generally sharing excitement about bikes with lots of people who like bikes! - what could be better? Needless to say, it was also exhausting. Only now have I caught my breath a bit, and pulled together some thoughts on the weekend and how the race played out from my point of view. It was a fun one, and gosh darn it, I can’t wait to do more mountain bike racing!
Race Happenings: Lifetime Grand Prix #1 - Fuego XC 80K - 1st Place!
Holy smokes it was exciting to toe the start-line with that field of women to kick off the Lifetime Grand Prix series. The Sea Otter course may not be the most technical mountain bike course out there, but I am still proving to myself that I’m not just a gravel racer. Maybe I should already have the confidence to view myself in this way, based on prior top results at races like Leadville - but I still feel as though many people (myself included) see me as a gravel racer. On an even deeper level, I think I still struggle with a bit of imposter syndrome in general: Do I deserve to be here? How did I get here so (seemingly) quickly? Will it all disappear at some point?
I felt a calmness descend over me as the countdown to the start began. The race to the singletrack was fast, as expected, but I managed to position myself amongst the top riders as we left the tarmac behind. The first lap was a blur - I’m not quite used to the punchy efforts that are required so early on in an XC race like that. Yet, after the first lap, I started to settle in. The initial chaos faded, and I began to have the mental capacity to take a closer note of my surroundings. I remember recognizing, and internalizing, the group of riders I was with: Sofia Gomez, Alexis Skarda, Evelyn Dong, Hannah Finchamp, and Lea Davison. These are legit mountain bike racers. They are experienced and professional in every way, and I was riding with them. And not just on the climbs - I was holding my own on the descents; following their lines through the singletrack and mimicking their flow to the best of my ability. It was fun, and I felt humbled to be part of this cohesive group of incredibly talented racers.
As we headed into the last singletrack descent before the final stretch of climbing, I became overwhelmed with a feeling of self-confidence. If I could make it through this section upright, I knew that the win would be within reach. In fact, in the days leading up to this race, I imagined this being the only scenario in which I could possibly come away with a victory: making a move on the final climb.
As the pitch kicked up, it was time to dig in: to try to find that elusive next gear that is within us all. It still felt risky and for a split second, I hesitated. Even if I was able to put a gap in, what if Sofia and Alexis stuck together on the climb and then worked together on the race track to catch me? But I’ve danced this dance with risk before - very recently, in fact, at Mid South (check out this post). Risk aside, when someone makes a move, you move. And when the opportunity presents itself for you to make that move - to put in that attack - you sure as hell better take it.
And take I did.
This was my opportunity, and I knew that the time to go for it was now. So I shut my brain off and let my body take over - channeling every fragment of energy into my legs as I pushed my pedals as hard as humanly possible. As I crested the top of the climb, I quickly glanced back and saw that I had a decent gap on Sofia. But it wasn’t over yet. There was still a stretch of uphill before the descent to the race track began. I kept going - to that deep, dark place of complete emptiness. This is one of the feelings that I believe every bike racer lives for — the emptying.
It’s a beautiful paradox, that emptying yourself can be such a fulfilling experience. I descended down to the track and continued to push as hard as I could. It wasn’t until I approached the last two corners that I let up, and allowed myself to accept the fact that I was about to cross the finish line first.
Elation, disbelief, and just sheer excitement spread through my body. I unclicked my pedals and came to a stop, hugged some friends with all my might, and turned to watch the next riders cross the line - congratulating each other for the effort we had just laid out on that course together. This is always one of my favorite parts about racing, and I’m already looking forward to more of these moments throughout the remainder of the Grand Prix series :)
Quote I’m Pondering:
Thinking back on this race, I’m left with a mixture of seemingly conflicted emotions. The feelings of humility and imposter syndrome, all mixed together with the self-confidence I felt on that second lap, has my mind spinning a bit. It has me thinking about this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald:
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”
Food Corner: Skratch & Mo’s Sea Otter Meal Menu
Food is important for us cyclists, for food is fuel. I love to cook, and I love to eat, and I did a lot of both (mostly eating though, if I’m being honest) throughout the entire week at Sea Otter. The Skratch Labs team pulled together a fantastic menu for our luxurious two kitchen Airbnb - yes, it had two kitchens. These meals helped me roll up to the start on Saturday feeling hungry for only one thing: to race HARD. You can check out the full menu on the Skratch Blog.
While these meals provided the necessary energy for me to perform during Saturday’s race, they were also so much more than that. Food is not just fuel. Food is a linchpin for connection - for community. Many moments of sharing, reminiscing, laughing, ideating, and dreaming were brought about over these meals. Cheers to everyone who was a part of this - thank you for making bike racing about more than just bikes :)
New Helmet Day with The Feed
New Helmet Day is just as exciting as New Bike Day. Especially when the lid that we’re talking about it is a custom painted Specialized S-Works Evade. The Feed is one of my nutrition sponsors and they made this thing of beauty happen. It’s got a few little design details that I’m thinking you’ll start to see more of shortly, so keep an eye out for that. Plus, as Specialized likes to say Aero is Everything… and that applies to gravel (and mountain bike) racing too right? Right.
Be on the lookout for a post specifically related to my on-bike fueling and hydration strategy coming to The Feed next week.
It was a little less than a month to live....You were amazing Mo. Truly. I want to learn about that "emptiness" from you, to try to fight my battles with clear mind. I hope you could coach me, watch me over as Im doing it. I wish I knew you.
...."I kept going - to that deep, dark place of complete emptiness. This is one of the feelings that I believe every bike racer lives for — the emptying"
Beautiful words… the kind only an angel could write